What You Resist, Persists: The Paradox of Emotional Resistance and the Power of Acceptance

Have you ever felt stuck in a problem that, no matter how hard you try to ignore or avoid it, seems to grow instead of disappear? It’s as if the more you resist facing it, the stronger it becomes. This phenomenon is no coincidence but a psychological paradox that Carl Jung encapsulated in a powerful phrase: “What you resist, persists.”

In this article, we will delve deeper into how resisting our emotions and problems can perpetuate them, and how acceptance and awareness can be powerful tools to transform what troubles us. Additionally, we will explore practical strategies to release resistance and embrace acceptance in our daily lives.

What Does “What You Resist, Persists” Really Mean?

The phrase “what you resist, persists” suggests that by actively opposing something—whether it’s an emotion, a thought, or a situation—we give it more energy and power. For example, if you feel anxious and try to suppress it, the anxiety is likely to intensify. This happens because resistance acts as a negative reinforcement: instead of solving the problem, it amplifies it.

Modern psychology supports this idea. According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven Hayes, trying to control or suppress difficult emotions can lead to increased psychological distress. Instead of fighting what we feel, ACT proposes accepting these emotions as part of the human experience and focusing on actions aligned with our values (Hayes et al., 1999).

Resistance as a Source of Suffering

When we resist something, we not only give it more strength but also add an extra layer of suffering. For example, if you feel sadness and tell yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, I need to be strong,” you’re adding judgment and frustration to the original emotion. This process is known as secondary suffering, a key concept in cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Secondary suffering occurs when we react negatively to our own emotions or thoughts. Instead of allowing sadness, anger, or anxiety to flow naturally, we become entangled in an internal struggle that only increases our discomfort.

An Example of Acceptance

Clara was someone who avoided conflict at all costs. If someone upset her, she would smile and stay silent. If she felt sadness or frustration, she would distract herself with work, social media, or excessive exercise. However, over time, those emotions began to manifest as headaches, insomnia, and a sense of emptiness.

One day, after a particularly difficult argument, Clara decided to do something different: instead of ignoring her emotions, she sat with them. She took a deep breath and allowed the sadness to be present, without judging it or trying to change it. To her surprise, instead of feeling overwhelmed, she experienced a relief she hadn’t felt in years.

Clara discovered that what she was resisting wasn’t the sadness or conflict itself but her fear of facing them. By accepting her emotions, she stopped giving them power and found the peace she had been seeking. This experience illustrates a fundamental principle of psychology: acceptance is the first step toward transformation.

How to Release Resistance and Embrace Acceptance

Releasing resistance doesn’t mean giving up or resigning yourself. It means stopping the fight against the inevitable and finding a wiser way to relate to your experiences. Here are some practical tools to help you do that:

1. Recognize What You’re Resisting

   Sometimes, we’re not even aware of what we’re avoiding. Ask yourself: “What emotion, thought, or situation am I trying to avoid right now?” Identifying resistance is the first step to releasing it.

2. Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment

   When a difficult emotion arises, don’t suppress it. Feel it fully, as if you were observing it from the outside. Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable, knowing that this discomfort is temporary. As psychologist Carl Rogers said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change” (Rogers, 1961).

3. Breathe and Observe

   Use your breath as a tool to stay present. As you breathe, observe how your body and thoughts feel, without trying to change them. Mindfulness is a powerful practice for cultivating acceptance.

4. Accept What You Can’t Control

   There are things in life that are simply beyond our control. Accepting them doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means choosing to focus on what you can change. This idea is central to Stoic philosophy and therapies like ACT.

5. Create Space for What You Feel

   Instead of filling every moment with distractions, intentionally create space to be with yourself and process what’s happening. This could be through meditation, journaling, or simply taking a few minutes of silence.

Practical Exercise: Releasing Resistance

I invite you to try this exercise right now:

1. Close your eyes and think of something causing you discomfort or stress.

2. Identify how it feels in your body. Is it tension in your chest? A knot in your stomach? Simply notice where it is.

3. Now, take a deep breath and allow that sensation to be present, without trying to change or eliminate it. Tell yourself: “It’s okay to feel this. I don’t need to resist it.”

4. Observe how that emotion or sensation begins to soften or transform over time.

This exercise won’t solve everything immediately, but it will help you practice acceptance and reduce the power of resistance.

The next time you find yourself resisting something, remember that you have the option to release that struggle and open yourself to whatever is present. As Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Peace is every step. There is no path to peace; peace is the path” (Hanh, 1991).

Acceptance is not a sign of weakness but an act of wisdom. By releasing resistance, we not only find relief but also the possibility of transforming what troubles us.

If this article resonated with you and you’d like to explore more about working with your emotions, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Acceptance is a process, and you don’t have to go through it alone.

References

• Jung, C. G. (1933). Modern Man in Search of a Soul. Harcourt Brace.

• Rogers, C. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.

• Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.

• Hanh, T. N. (1991). Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life. Bantam Books.

Until next time!