The Love You Receive Is the Love You Give

Por Alfonso López,

Love is a profoundly transformative force that shapes not only our relationships but also our perception of the world. A simple yet powerful phrase captures this perfectly: "The love you receive is the love you give." Though it may seem cliché, this statement carries timeless wisdom supported by both modern psychology and ancient philosophical traditions.

In my professional practice, I often notice how many people wait to receive love before feeling secure enough to give it back.

However, this mindset can create negative cycles, leaving people indefinitely waiting for someone else to make the first move. In reality, love is a dynamic energy constantly circulating, nourished primarily by our relationship with ourselves.

Barbara Fredrickson, renowned researcher and psychologist specializing in positive emotions, highlights in her book Love 2.0 that love transcends simple romantic emotion. It is a state manifested in brief moments of emotional connection with another person, providing physical and emotional well-being to both individuals involved (Fredrickson, 2013).

To experience authentic and deep relationships, it's essential first to cultivate self-love. Kristin Neff, an expert in self-compassion, emphasizes that the foundation of satisfying relationships depends on how we treat ourselves. According to Neff, people who are kind to themselves and actively practice self-compassion are better equipped to handle emotional challenges and offer sincere support to those around them (Neff, 2011).

Practicing self-love doesn't have to be complicated. One effective method involves dedicating a few minutes each day to repeat positive affirmations such as "I am enough," "I deserve respect and love," or "I am doing my best." This simple exercise can significantly enhance your emotional well-being, strengthen your self-esteem, and promote healthier relationships.

Giving love authentically also means recognizing that our daily interactions—whether ordinary or intimate—are opportunities to express and receive love. Research by Algoe, Gable, and Maisel (2010) indicates that small daily gestures like actively listening, expressing gratitude, or showing empathy can greatly strengthen our interpersonal relationships, regardless of their nature.

However, giving love can sometimes be challenging, especially when we feel it isn't reciprocated. In such situations, our ability to break negative cycles becomes essential. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, states that deliberate acts of generosity and empathy can transform relationships that appear stuck or damaged, enhancing the well-being of both giver and receiver (Seligman, 2011).

Giving love when it feels difficult is an act of courage. It doesn't mean tolerating toxic behaviors or emotional hurt but consciously choosing to perform small positive actions that can alter relationship dynamics, such as genuinely expressing appreciation, offering kindness, or simply listening without judgment.

Thich Nhat Hanh, internationally recognized Buddhist monk and author, states in his book How to Love that loving involves nurturing the happiness of others, knowing this happiness will also return to us. This perspective highlights how every gesture made with genuine love transforms us into more conscious, empathetic, and connected human beings (Nhat Hanh, 2014).

Ultimately, it's crucial to remember that love isn't something we hold onto or limit; it's something we share and expand. By actively choosing to give love, we create space for this positive energy to grow and return in surprising and enriching ways.

I invite you to reflect on how you can apply these principles daily, observing how authentic love transforms not only your relationships but also your well-being and outlook on life.

References:

• Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It's the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217-233.

• Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection. Plume.

• Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. William Morrow.

• Nhat Hanh, T. (2014). How to Love. Parallax Press.

• Seligman, M. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. Atria Books.